Moment In Time Week 7

Today our teacher asked us to write a ‘Moment In Time’ piece using a picture of a boy in the water.  We planned as a class to make sure we had the 5 W’s and the 6 Senses.   Before we began our writing in small groups we discussed the importance of using descriptive writing, using similes and metaphors where appropriate, using dialogue and have done our best to make sure our punctuation is correct.  Some of us have even used ‘Show Don’t Tell’ in our writing to provide our reader with more of an experience. Our teacher gave us 10 minutes for each paragraph and then 10 minutes for editing at the end.  We had so much fun working together! If you have a moment, we would love you to comment on our writing.   Boy Overboard! Jack and his Father went fishing, Jack looked down into the water to see if he could see some fish, his dad pushed him off the boat,  he splashed into the water and was gasping for breath, then suddenly he saw a shark swimming toward him.  His foot got caught into a net and all Jack could see was the sharks surrounding him “AHHH!”  screamed Jack. As Jack was in the water he could see his Dad driving away in the boat.  “HELP!” Jack cried “HELP!” nobody could Jack’s lonely voice, his heart was pounding like the waves crashing against the rock in a storm.   It was like his Dad left in a blink of an eye one minute he was there, then 30 seconds later he was gone. The sharks came back for more surrounding Jack in the deep blue sea, Jack tried to swim away but the sharks followed him from behind.  Jack tried to swim faster and faster as one shark from behind tried to take a chunk of meat out of Jack’s leg, Jack dodged the shark like a fish getting hooked by a fisher men. Written by Mya and Kyara. Mya:   I think that it was fun working with my buddy Kyara because we both had different ideas to share with each other and to gather all our knowledge and I also learn more vocabulary from her.    Kyara: I think working with my buddy (Mya) was great and fun because she has ideas, we both share our ideas before we put it on our writing. When we put our ideas on our piece of writing, we also put a some similes in.